i forgive myself

I have recently started a practice of saying, "I forgive myself" each night as I go to sleep. A friend introduced the idea to me and I thought it would be an interesting ritual to adopt. So far, it has been quite difficult. Not the saying it part, but truly believing the words- to completely forgive myself for everything I have done during the day. So much happens in one day, and as I'm sure you know intimately, we are our own harshest critics.

I think that there are two parts to forgiving ourselves. The first is acknowledging the interactions during the day that we would have changed and the second is letting go of our judgments. That being said, I have found it to be stressful to acknowledge all the pieces of the day that I wish could have been different. I have chosen to spend time on "letting go." As I lie in bed and say those three words, "I forgive myself," I let myself deeply sigh and try to take in the meaning.

Are there barriers preventing you from forgiving yourself? Are there ways we can help each other in this process? Even though it is a struggle, I hope that we are all on a path towards true forgiveness.

here it is...

May I officially introduce, my button frame! It took a long while to get all of the supplies and complete the project, but I did it. I smile every time I look at those lovely buttons. The second step was to figure out what to put in the frame. I found a fabulous quote in Journal of Solitude by May Sarton. I read the book a couple of years ago and had underlined a passage that spoke to me:

It is only when we can believe that we are creating the soul that life has any meaning, but when we can believe it- and I do and always have- then there is nothing we do that is without meaning and nothing that we suffer that does not hold the seed of creation in it.

As it turns out, many people are drawn to this quote. Strangely, this is not the first time that this has happened to me. When I read On The Road by Jack Kerouac, I found a quote that I adored and later came to find out that it is one of Kerouac's most famous lines:

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace things, but burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes "AWWW!"

How do some people have the ability to identify a universal feeling or thought? Where do those words come from? I often think about the various ways we can combine words and the beauty of expression. What are your words? How do you express them?

Let us all be open to the words of others- and ourselves. We may just find some gems...

Our Characters

Fernando Pessoa is an accomplished author. It is thought that 25,426 documents constitute his archives. The interesting thing about him is that he created multiple characters- at least 72 of who are known. Fascinatingly, these characters are not in his books, they are writing his books. They each have their distinct personalities and biographies, some of which are close to Pessoa’s and some differ greatly. He wrote poetry and nonfiction from the voices of these various “authors,” including the wonderfully written collection of prose manuscripts, The Book of Disquietude by Bernardo Soares.

The idea of Pessoa’s characters is enthralling. I would venture to say that most of us have not consciously created characters outside of ourselves, yet our three-dimensional personalities are intricately complex. It is not possible to express all of our layers and facets all the time, nor would we want to. Therefore, we inevitably have many character traits hiding within us at any given time. What aspects are sitting below your surface?

Sometimes it’s hard for me to know that there are parts inside of me that others cannot see. At the same time, I know that there is purpose in the way we work. It allows us to function and enter various situations without pressure and vulnerability. There is comfort in staying a mystery and being the only one to fully understand who I am. There is choice and selectivity within my world and it is a special privilege for someone to be allowed to witness the parts that only come out in intimate moments. I thank the people that allow me this privilege in their worlds. I cherish these people who share their depths and make up the richness of my life.

encourage the unspoken

I just returned from a magical weekend away with my mom and my sister. We talked and talked and talked- mainly because I couldn’t stop :) When you spend extended time with someone, you have enough time to get past the catch-up. This weekend, I had the honor of hearing new and interesting ideas and beliefs- not only from my two lovelies, but from myself as well.

How do we get to this place with those we love, when we are so busy and only have time for weekly conversations or coffee when we can squeeze it in? We all have so many thoughts and opinions about the world around us. Even when we do spend time with people, we can get so trapped in our daily lives and problems, that we don’t allow ourselves the space to explore our thoughts about religion, spirituality, meaning, philosophy, or our passions. We may not even take the time to discuss our thoughts on the color orange, how many books we have on our shelves that have gone unread, the first thoughts in our minds when we first wake, or the meaning behind the pictures and quotes we surround ourselves with.

I hope to encourage these conversations that so often escape our attention. To push the boundaries we set up to function on a daily basis. I believe that we can catch up with joy and relish our exploration of what lies beyond.