rough around the edges

Teitur sings that we are “rough around the edges.”

Even though this is a very familiar concept to most people, I would argue that the majority of us feel uncomfortable with the notion of being rough around the edges. Our natural inclination with rough things is to smooth them out. Think about how we sand wood or hem seams. We don't like to leave things looking messy, especially when it comes to our personalities and our presentation. When we have a piece of ourselves left out of the lines or jagged, it seems our flaws are vulnerable for others to see.

I often wonder what the harm is in letting others see our "roughness." If we show our flaws, will we not be loved? If we make errors, will we not be forgiven? In truth, asking for forgiveness offers other the chance to give the gift of forgiveness.

Why is being messy and rough so difficult for people? Are you striving for perfection without even knowing it? The bigger questions to think about are: What is perfection? Can you ever attain it? How can you stay in a state of perfection? I am still trying to figure these answers out, just as you are. But, I do know that being rough around the edges is where I'd like to be. It is a place where I know myself and can embrace my own place in this world.

asking how

I am often fixated on why. Why are we here? Why do people act the way they do? Why is there love? Why is there hate? Why are we curious? Why do we fight in wars? The list goes on and on. I could ask "why" questions forever. But maybe a better way to go about it is to ask how. How do we love each other? How does one person affect another? How can we find peace with one another? How do the pieces fit together? How can we sense that there is something beyond us? The question of how leads us to more concrete answers. It leads us to a place we can hold on to, a place we can spend some time in.

If we can get to a point where we ask how instead of why, we may be closer to getting out of our heads for a while. I find that I dwell in the why questions which can lead to unnecessary worrying and circular thinking. When I think of people who are doers and motivated to get things done, my impression is that they spend some time thinking about the whys, but then quickly move on to the hows. The how answers are more solid and help us move forward. I want to practice this way of thinking.

Are you searching for concrete answers in your life, but asking "why" questions? I am not minimizing the importance of why. I am merely suggesting that moving towards "how" might get you a little bit closer toward the solid answers you are looking for.

Living

Another year has circled- my birthday is this week. A quote by Zora Neale Hurston keeps running through my mind, "There are years that ask questions and years that answer." This year was a year filled with questions- about life, faith, surrender, courage and meaning. And I have certainly done my best to do as Rainer Maria Rilke challenges: "Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now."

For me, living the questions without searching for answers is about accepting what is and understanding that like everything, I am in process and the goal of that process is to continue the process. It seems ironic that we are endlessly in search of solid answers that can really only be found in the constant movement of it all. Change is everywhere and in everything- in nature, in our breath, in relationships and for that matter, in the answers as well.

Is your year one of searching or one more of a settled nature? What does living the questions mean to you? Do you know what your questions are? How does it feel to accept that you might not find the answers?

If you struggle with these questions and your own- I commend you. You are open and living and in process. Now, smile and enjoy the moment, this is it!

beautiful question

Are you a curious person? I am definitely one who questions. I want to get to the bottom of things- to know the truth behind it all. One of my mentors said, "The most beautiful question is: What is the real answer?" When he said this, I immediately asked myself, what IS the real answer? Is there ever a real answer? If so, how do we find it?

Sometimes the "real answer" isn't easy to come to, especially when the question is an important one with larger consequences. When I hear the words "real answer" I tend to think, "right answer." But I think it is more than that. The "right answer" is about what is logical and rational. The "real answer" is what is solid and grounded- what is natural. For me, the process of finding what is "real" takes time. I can't make a pros and cons list or just sort it out. I must sit with the question and wait patiently for the answer.

Are you searching for "real answers" in your life right now? How will you allow the natural answers to arise? I encourage you to continue questioning and searching. Inevitably, the beautiful questions will be revealed and real answers will emerge.