spice it up

Have you ever felt that your life is boring? I have. Sometimes I feel like I do the same things day after day. As humans, we tend to get stuck in the same routines without even noticing it. We get up, make our beds, go to work, come home, make dinner, clean the house, have similar conversations, etc. There is definitely purpose and safety in this structure we create. It gives order to this chaos we call life. Yet, this doesn't mean that our set patterns don't get old and bore us at times. When they do, we realize that we must spice things up.

How can we do this? For starters, we can add interesting activities like classes, lectures, concerts, etc. We can also think of innovative ways to bring newness to our relationships, whether it is with a partner, a friend or a family member. The other thing we can do is to bring freshness to the small details of life that only we notice. We might add cinnamon to our coffee, buy a piece of clothing or jewelry, listen to some new music, try a new recipe or buy flowers for our living space.

You may be quite content right now with the level of spice in your life. If not, how will you choose to spice up your days and nights? What ways resonate with and feel manageable to you? If you aren't sure, make it an adventure. Your only risk will be the spices you will encounter along the way!

perfect timing

When I sit down to have a cup of tea, I always wait for the perfect window when the temperature is neither too hot nor too cool. If I drink hastily, I burn my tongue. If I wait too long, my tea is cold. So, how do I know when the timing is just right?

Is this how it is with life? Are there windows of opportunity that are only open for periods of time and if we don't grab them we miss out? One problem with this theory is that we may not know when the window is open. Another is that if we do not take advantage of an opportunity, we may end up living in a world of regret.

I think opportunities are about faith. Having faith that the right moments will arise when we are ready to enjoy them. I can think of life as missed opportunities or I can choose to see it as a series of perfect timings. If I view my life from this perspective, I am more able to accept not only where I am in life, but who I am as well.

How do you look at opportunities? Do you have regrets about not accepting those that have been offered to you? The wonderful thing about having faith in perfect timing, is that when it is perfect- it just is.

have courage

In Latin, the word cor is the root for the word coraticum which means heart. This is the known etymology for the word courage, which is also translated as with heart. The root cor is also seen in the Old French corage, and later found its way into the English word courage.

I often use the expression 'have courage.' For me, having courage means to take life head on- with passion, lust, vigor and bravery. The irony is that when I need to live life such vitality, I tend to be stumbling or in need of support in some way. It is in these moments, when I am reminded of the origin of the word courage. I return to the idea of living 'with heart' and I am renewed. The notion that courage is synonymous with heart reinforces the fact that courage comes from an inner strength that I carry with me all the time.

Are you able to 'have courage' when you are going through a hard time? Can you look within your own heart and see the courage there? Even if you don't think so, it's there- believe me, it's there.

beautiful question

Are you a curious person? I am definitely one who questions. I want to get to the bottom of things- to know the truth behind it all. One of my mentors said, "The most beautiful question is: What is the real answer?" When he said this, I immediately asked myself, what IS the real answer? Is there ever a real answer? If so, how do we find it?

Sometimes the "real answer" isn't easy to come to, especially when the question is an important one with larger consequences. When I hear the words "real answer" I tend to think, "right answer." But I think it is more than that. The "right answer" is about what is logical and rational. The "real answer" is what is solid and grounded- what is natural. For me, the process of finding what is "real" takes time. I can't make a pros and cons list or just sort it out. I must sit with the question and wait patiently for the answer.

Are you searching for "real answers" in your life right now? How will you allow the natural answers to arise? I encourage you to continue questioning and searching. Inevitably, the beautiful questions will be revealed and real answers will emerge.

easy people

I spent the afternoon with a good friend and as we walked, we spoke about the concept of "easy people." The Nields, a great folk duo, sum it up perfectly when they sing:

And I choose you to take up all of my time
I choose you because you're funny and kind
I want easy people from now on

I definitely crave easy people in my life, but who doesn't? The thing is though, surrounding ourselves with "easy people" doesn't necessarily mean surrounding ourselves with people who we don't have complex relationships with. In fact, I would dare to say that the easiest of people come from relationships that both people have invested time and energy to build a solid foundation. From there, both people can "sink into easy" as my friend put it. There is an ease with which they can be themselves because they feel both valued and understood.

I love the concept of easy people- and of choosing them. Have you chosen easy people in your life? How do we go about getting to the point of "easiness"? As you think about your relationships, which ones bring a smile to your face? Which ones do you want to be easier?

I hope we can all find easy people and without even knowing it- be the easy person for others.

setting the bar

In school, I always strived to get all A's. But who didn't, right? Now, even though I haven't been in school for years, I still hold the bar very high for myself- sometimes even too high for my own good. Lately, I am realizing that I put a lot of pressure on myself to live up to some idea of what I should be doing with my life. (So much so, that it trickles over into my blog to the extent that sometimes I have trouble posting because I feel like my words and art aren't "good enough").

As I have shared some of these thoughts aloud with my friends and family, I have discovered that it is only internal pressure. No one is watching me or disappointed in me. It is me who is expecting this high level of achievement and standard. That being said, it is not negative to set the bar high. However, we do need to be forgiving and allow ourselves permission to meet the bar where it seems to be settling at any given moment.

Are you setting the bar too high for yourself? Too low? Perhaps, you are feeling just right. If you are struggling with this like I am, I think the key to remember, like most things, is that we need to be more than okay with where we are- we need to embrace it.

i forgive myself

I have recently started a practice of saying, "I forgive myself" each night as I go to sleep. A friend introduced the idea to me and I thought it would be an interesting ritual to adopt. So far, it has been quite difficult. Not the saying it part, but truly believing the words- to completely forgive myself for everything I have done during the day. So much happens in one day, and as I'm sure you know intimately, we are our own harshest critics.

I think that there are two parts to forgiving ourselves. The first is acknowledging the interactions during the day that we would have changed and the second is letting go of our judgments. That being said, I have found it to be stressful to acknowledge all the pieces of the day that I wish could have been different. I have chosen to spend time on "letting go." As I lie in bed and say those three words, "I forgive myself," I let myself deeply sigh and try to take in the meaning.

Are there barriers preventing you from forgiving yourself? Are there ways we can help each other in this process? Even though it is a struggle, I hope that we are all on a path towards true forgiveness.

minds that worry

I am proud to tell you that two more of my poems were recently published in Word Riot. You can see them here. Here is one of the poems:

Waiting

All my life
I've never known
The burden
Stiff and worn
That sits
In minds
That worry

In rereading the poem, I wonder what I was thinking when I wrote it. Why would I write that I've never known the burden of a mind that worries? I worry all the time! When I was little, my parents used to call me the "Worried Walrus," a nickname taken from a Sweet Pickles book (a children's book series, now out of print). In the book, Worried Walrus is so concerned about the future and what might happen, that he misses out on the gift of the present.

Our minds naturally drift towards the future and the possibilities, both good and bad that might happen. There is definitely purpose in this, and still it is essential to bring our minds back and be mindful of the present. When we can completely participate in the present, we can fully enjoy what life has to offer. It seems simple enough, right? Not quite. It is a lot to ask of ourselves- to go from being in our heads to completely participating in the moment. Right now, I am working on just noticing when I am worrying or spending time in my thoughts and not in the situation. Eventually, the noticing will naturally evolve into participation in the now.

I invite you to think about the burden of worry in your mind and if you would like to change it. What steps can you take? And most of all... what is waiting for you in the present?

crazy wild words

In my poetry class this week, we had two poets talk with us about their processes. One poet spoke about how she is a perfectionist and has to feel completely satisfied with a line before she can move on to the next. The other poet shared about how he just keeps writing and revises later.

Lately, I have been feeling stuck. My words aren't flowing like they have in the past. It is not for lack of inspiration or creativity. In the moment of interaction between the pen and paper, my self-judgment and self-criticism swoop in with a vengeance and paralyze me.

One method I have been using to deal with this problem is to start writing and let the words take control. So, here is me, letting go, spilling words and not being afraid to fail on the page:

Crazy wild words riding bareback on brown horses through meadows soft with pansies fit to do nothing but look flimsy and act flimsier in no contention and fight against the raging wind in a gust of gusto and anger against the night sky. Oh, the fights they have. The dreams they devour. They eat each other's guts with the pleasure of fine guests at the most desirous of restaurants, sitting politely at tables set for twenty using freshly pressed napkins to wipe slobbery spit from their drooling mouths.

yours to hold

Sometimes it's hard to admit or to say out loud that we are special or have wonderful qualities. Maybe it is just that we are humble or that in our society we are taught not to shout our amazing attributes from the rooftops. For some reason, it seems much more common to hear people putting themselves down than singing their own praises.

In a way, just knowing our special qualities is enough. It is almost like having magical superpowers. We have secrets that no one else knows, until we choose to share them. In that way, we are in control of whom we share with and how much we choose to reveal. These beautiful aspects are yours to cherish and hold close.

What are your amazing qualities? Do you acknowledge your spectacular characteristics? Do you reveal them often? Of course, it is up to you, who you choose to share with, but remember, it would be our privilege to be present when you do.

in between

The Jewish holiday of Passover begins on Monday night. The retelling of the story of the exodus of the Jewish people from Egypt asks us to identify with the theme of going from slavery to freedom.

I have always been taken by the idea that often we talk about going from slavery to freedom, as if it is a quick jaunt from one to the other. It is true that physically, one goes from being enslaved to being free. However, going from an emotional or spiritual state of enslavement to a state of freedom is a much longer process.

At most points in our lives, we are probably somewhere in the "in between." We can remember what it feels like to be in the difficult place and we can imagine ourselves free of hardship. Yet, in order to become emotionally and spiritually free of these burdens, we must go through the "in between"- a place of struggle, confusion, growth, potential and healing.

Are you in a state of "in between"? What is it like? Can you feel the potential and growth? Is it painful? Do you have others who will support you? As you ponder these questions, think about one more- where can I find beauty and joy in the "in between"?

choosing patterns

We all have our emotional patterns that we use to navigate the world. We have created these patterns consciously and subconsciously in order to deal with the various situations we have experienced.

At times, it may seem that our patterns are in control of us and are nearly impossible to change. These patterns are all we know and even though they may be unhealthy, we feel some level of comfort in them.

Lately, I have been seriously looking at my patterns and evaluating the benefits and disadvantages of keeping them around. I have chosen a few to challenge and change. Picking new patterns is not something that comes easily or quickly. Like anything else, it is a process of learning and growing. As difficult as it is, I am willing to try it to see if I can achieve a more positive result in order to live a healthier life.

Do you think we have the power to choose new patterns? Do you think about changing any of yours? What are the steps you can take to change them? If you do choose to change your patterns, remember, it takes time, but there may be shapes and colors that you could never have even imagined.

surrounded by silence

I am lucky to be a part of a women's group that gathers at the new moon to celebrate and learn with each other. Usually we do an activity that involves expression of some sort- discussion, art, craft, writing, etc... However, last night we spent our time in silence. We prayed, meditated and thought.

At first I was a bit apprehensive. Not only did I resist the idea of spending a long period of time in silence, but I also didn't want to lose precious moments engaging with friends. I spend a lot of time in silence or trying to fill it with something external (i.e. music, television). I do enjoy being quiet, but at times I feel lonely. However, being surrounded by these strong beautiful women, I felt safe enough to delve into the silence and stay there. I was able to be silent and feel embraced at the same time. We were able to engage with each other on a level beyond outward expression.

Have you ever experienced this? If not, do you have a relationship where you can explore this idea? For just a moment, I encourage you to imagine being surrounded in silence.

Submission 2

As you know, I have submitted my poetry to various publications and have had some poems accepted. (See my previous post: Submission).

I have also received many rejections. In some senses, the rejection piece has been easier than I thought. I try to think about the greater context of the struggling artist and all of the poets that I look up to and admire. I also try to imagine all the other poets sending in their poems hoping and wishing to be accepted and published.

At other more vulnerable moments, the rejection does not come as easily. Each poem I write is a mixture of my thoughts and emotions spilled on the page. I then carefully select my most poignant poems and submit them to what I think are the publications that best fit the tone and style of the poem. To receive a form letter or even a personal rejection can sometimes hurt in a way you don't expect.

Even though I have written all about rejection, I have been blessed to have another poem accepted and published on the web. The publication is Right Hand Pointing. The issue is entitled "Very Short Poetry." Here is the poem:

Blue Screen

All settles
In the graying brows
Of an octogenarian
Watching Jeopardy
Waiting for the question
To come

gentle strength

Craft idea inspired by Keri Smith

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true
strength.
-- Ralph Sockman

People are always telling us to “be gentle with yourself” or “be easy on yourself” when you’ve had a hard day or you are going through a hard time. For a long while, I thought this meant that I could do whatever I wanted to feel better like- sleep for hours, eat sugar, watch tons of television, etc. (what I would now deem “unhealthy” behaviors). It wasn’t until a couple of years ago through talking to various people, when I realized that being “gentle” with myself actually means loving and taking physical, spiritual and mental care of this thing we call our “self.” It means doing things that bring you joy and soothe your soul. For me, this may mean making a healthy meal, taking a luscious bath, going on a long walk, talking with a friend or writing poetry. I am not suggesting that I always choose to go for a run or paint instead of sitting on the couch watching tv. But, I do understand that taking care of myself is a state of mind and it comes from a place of self-respect. I now recognize that I am precious and something worth being gentle with. I have a strong feeling that you are too.

it rained solid

The other day, my friend and I did a poetry exercise where we both started with the same first line and wrote from there. My poem came out in the form of prose and I thought I'd share it with you today.

It rained solid that afternoon when the earth felt right. brown earth. ready for new water. to soak. to feel. to pray. to dance. to let the fire flow. to witness the growth of beauty. the solid rain creating paths lined with roots delving deep into the soul of things. the flesh of mud. aching to reach the core of it all. the orange ball of life stretching and moving to find the secret places hiding even from themselves. the rain hides. pounds and hides. we never notice the hiding. where do you go, dear friend? when your drops fall away? to a magical place of gentleness and joy. to a magical place of gentleness and joy.

intuition

I am the type of person who has a strong sense of intuition. This applies not only to interactions and daily situations, but to larger issues as well. For most of the big decisions in my life, I have felt large shifts inside when my intuition guides me to action. There have been times when I have followed my intuition and moments when I have disregarded it completely. When I have followed it, everything has seemed to fall into place and I have felt grounded and settled. When I have taken opposite action, negative outcomes have usually ensued.

Lately, though, I have been doing some soul searching. I have big questions that need answering. During this time, I cannot tell whether my intuition has no opinion, or whether I am not listening carefully enough. Is it possible that my intuition is just taking a back seat on this one? Just relaxing and letting things settle out on their own? More likely (my intuition just stirred-there must be something here) there are blocks preventing me from truly hearing my intuition’s voice right now.

How do I remove these obstacles? How do I take action to create the space needed to hear my old friend, intuition?

I just don't know right now. However, I think I will start with my first intuition- taking a deep breath…

bursting into joy

We often use the term “bursting into tears.” It is an experience most people can relate to. The other afternoon, I had an experience that I can only describe as “bursting into joy.” It was quite a moment, as you can imagine. I was changing the channel on my car radio and a live version of one of my favorite songs came on that I had never heard before. My body rushed with elation and I was smiling from ear to ear.

What a wonderful sensation. Have you ever burst into joy? If so, what gave you such a feeling? If not, can you imagine it? What does it smell like? Does it have a sound? Does it linger in your mouth?

Even if we don’t feel the power of these emotions on a daily basis, sometimes just knowing that they are below the surface is enough… and at any moment, we may just burst!

loud laughter

Art courtesy of a dear friend



Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore laughing. Not just small, token laughs. Not just little teehees. I LOVE to laugh...loudly. I believe in laughing with your whole body, letting the laughter in as well as out.

Some people may think that really letting go is not their style or that the setting must be appropriate for them to throw their head back and let out a good chuckle. Loud laughter doesn't just come naturally, as most people want to believe.

Loud laughter is like an emotion- you have to "let" yourself feel it. There is a single point in laughter when you realize that you can release- and if you do- you may lose control or draw attention to yourself or... really FEEL. It is a choice. And only you can make it. I choose to make it over and over. I do feel vulnerable, but the delight is worth it. Before I know it, I hear my own voice echoing throughout the room and see others laughing beside me. It is a moment of pure joy.

I encourage you to go beyond laughter and laugh loudly. I promise- joy is waiting.

learning the grey

Change is most often a complicated process that spans an underestimated length of time. The reality is, change is messy. It is big mixture of goods, bads and mediocres. We cannot have change without feeling some sort of loss, even in the most positive of cases. We do change without noticing, but a significant piece of change lies in our self-awareness. This is the piece where we must learn the grey.

Lately, I have been making some big changes in my life. I have been getting to know the grey like a friend. When I look closely, I can see its multitude of colors, the purples, reds, blacks, browns, yellows, etc... The muddiness separates to reveal the possibilities this transition can bring and the places that I have been. It is a smattering of colors in every range.

How does one spend time learning the grey and sitting with it? Most of us shove it aside as quickly as it comes. We want things to go back to “normal” or get to the place we want something to “be.” It is the uncomfortable space in between that proves to be the richest. It is neither black nor white. It is all of the colors mixed together. It is the rawness of it all. It is the place where you get to learn who it is you want to be.

As you encounter change, may you embrace the grey and discover its many colors and textures. You may just find your own true self.