Sunday, June 28, 2009

falling in

Do you know the feeling you get when you fall into bed at night and just sink in? The one where you let your body become one with the mattress? That feeling right there is the exact opposite of anxiety. When we are anxious, our bodies tense up, even when we don't realize it. But, in that moment when we get into bed, we fall into relaxation. We get a sense of our physical presence and let our breath go into every crevice and part.

Whenever I have been feeling anxious, instead of tensing up, I have been trying to fall into my body. When I do it, the feeling is wondrous. It brings me to a serene and calm place where I can think with a clear head and not let fear or anxiety lead the way. This is such a hard challenge for me. For some reason, lately my natural inclination seems to be to clench, hold my breath, and let my thoughts swirl. By feeling the sensation of falling into my body, I remember how to be present in each moment.

If you take a deep breath right now and let it out slowly, you can get a small sense of the feeling. Even though letting go may be what we fight against, in some cases, falling in might be exactly what we need.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

big unknowns

A friend told me recently that she would rather know little things than big things. Sometimes when I think about the big unknowns in my life, I get caught up in the what ifs and the worries. What is it about the big unknowns that really gets me? The fear? The unsteadiness? The lack of control? All of these aspects are present but big unknowns also leave room for exploring, space, messiness and especially newness. When I think about the big unknowns of my past, yes they have been scary, but they have been filled with far more potentiality than when life gets routinized and structured (not that we don't need that too).

One thing that I need to remember when I get overwhelmed are the things that I am sure of. When it comes down to it, I know who I am. I know what I love. I know who my community and my family are. I also need to remember that we are never truly in control of anything. We must bring our skills and tools with us as we navigate through life, but we need to surrender to every unknown that comes our way.

Are you up for the challenge? Are you ready to enter your big unknowns through a lens of curiosity, possibility, and surrender?