Wednesday, May 16, 2007

setting the bar

In school, I always strived to get all A's. But who didn't, right? Now, even though I haven't been in school for years, I still hold the bar very high for myself- sometimes even too high for my own good. Lately, I am realizing that I put a lot of pressure on myself to live up to some idea of what I should be doing with my life. (So much so, that it trickles over into my blog to the extent that sometimes I have trouble posting because I feel like my words and art aren't "good enough").

As I have shared some of these thoughts aloud with my friends and family, I have discovered that it is only internal pressure. No one is watching me or disappointed in me. It is me who is expecting this high level of achievement and standard. That being said, it is not negative to set the bar high. However, we do need to be forgiving and allow ourselves permission to meet the bar where it seems to be settling at any given moment.

Are you setting the bar too high for yourself? Too low? Perhaps, you are feeling just right. If you are struggling with this like I am, I think the key to remember, like most things, is that we need to be more than okay with where we are- we need to embrace it.

1 comment:

freedomschild said...

This too can be said of me. I am my own worst enemy. I have never been able to present myself, with any self-esteem -- all that was just the stuff of somebody's dream. I always felt "left out" never realizing it was I who was closing the door. It has taken me too many years to come to this understanding, and too many tears to spend backtracking here. I am thunderstruck that I've broken the wall and down has come Humpty Dumpty and I'm not trying to put him back together again. To "sin" means "to have missed the mark" (from the old English version) Now isn't that something to build your life to, up and down and all around, it just isn't sound. Live in the now. Things can be made better, for however long you have or don't have, you have enough. Run with the winds, lie in the sun, taste the wet rains, feel the sand in between your toes. Nobody's watching except you -- they are too busy watching themselves. Be well NOW. Whatever is gone and isn't coming back. Wrap yourself in the pleasure of the day and hopefully your penance will lessen the strain of worshiping what was never yours to sustain, anyway.