in between

The Jewish holiday of Passover begins on Monday night. The retelling of the story of the exodus of the Jewish people from Egypt asks us to identify with the theme of going from slavery to freedom.

I have always been taken by the idea that often we talk about going from slavery to freedom, as if it is a quick jaunt from one to the other. It is true that physically, one goes from being enslaved to being free. However, going from an emotional or spiritual state of enslavement to a state of freedom is a much longer process.

At most points in our lives, we are probably somewhere in the "in between." We can remember what it feels like to be in the difficult place and we can imagine ourselves free of hardship. Yet, in order to become emotionally and spiritually free of these burdens, we must go through the "in between"- a place of struggle, confusion, growth, potential and healing.

Are you in a state of "in between"? What is it like? Can you feel the potential and growth? Is it painful? Do you have others who will support you? As you ponder these questions, think about one more- where can I find beauty and joy in the "in between"?

choosing patterns

We all have our emotional patterns that we use to navigate the world. We have created these patterns consciously and subconsciously in order to deal with the various situations we have experienced.

At times, it may seem that our patterns are in control of us and are nearly impossible to change. These patterns are all we know and even though they may be unhealthy, we feel some level of comfort in them.

Lately, I have been seriously looking at my patterns and evaluating the benefits and disadvantages of keeping them around. I have chosen a few to challenge and change. Picking new patterns is not something that comes easily or quickly. Like anything else, it is a process of learning and growing. As difficult as it is, I am willing to try it to see if I can achieve a more positive result in order to live a healthier life.

Do you think we have the power to choose new patterns? Do you think about changing any of yours? What are the steps you can take to change them? If you do choose to change your patterns, remember, it takes time, but there may be shapes and colors that you could never have even imagined.

surrounded by silence

I am lucky to be a part of a women's group that gathers at the new moon to celebrate and learn with each other. Usually we do an activity that involves expression of some sort- discussion, art, craft, writing, etc... However, last night we spent our time in silence. We prayed, meditated and thought.

At first I was a bit apprehensive. Not only did I resist the idea of spending a long period of time in silence, but I also didn't want to lose precious moments engaging with friends. I spend a lot of time in silence or trying to fill it with something external (i.e. music, television). I do enjoy being quiet, but at times I feel lonely. However, being surrounded by these strong beautiful women, I felt safe enough to delve into the silence and stay there. I was able to be silent and feel embraced at the same time. We were able to engage with each other on a level beyond outward expression.

Have you ever experienced this? If not, do you have a relationship where you can explore this idea? For just a moment, I encourage you to imagine being surrounded in silence.

Submission 2

As you know, I have submitted my poetry to various publications and have had some poems accepted. (See my previous post: Submission).

I have also received many rejections. In some senses, the rejection piece has been easier than I thought. I try to think about the greater context of the struggling artist and all of the poets that I look up to and admire. I also try to imagine all the other poets sending in their poems hoping and wishing to be accepted and published.

At other more vulnerable moments, the rejection does not come as easily. Each poem I write is a mixture of my thoughts and emotions spilled on the page. I then carefully select my most poignant poems and submit them to what I think are the publications that best fit the tone and style of the poem. To receive a form letter or even a personal rejection can sometimes hurt in a way you don't expect.

Even though I have written all about rejection, I have been blessed to have another poem accepted and published on the web. The publication is Right Hand Pointing. The issue is entitled "Very Short Poetry." Here is the poem:

Blue Screen

All settles
In the graying brows
Of an octogenarian
Watching Jeopardy
Waiting for the question
To come

gentle strength

Craft idea inspired by Keri Smith

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true
strength.
-- Ralph Sockman

People are always telling us to “be gentle with yourself” or “be easy on yourself” when you’ve had a hard day or you are going through a hard time. For a long while, I thought this meant that I could do whatever I wanted to feel better like- sleep for hours, eat sugar, watch tons of television, etc. (what I would now deem “unhealthy” behaviors). It wasn’t until a couple of years ago through talking to various people, when I realized that being “gentle” with myself actually means loving and taking physical, spiritual and mental care of this thing we call our “self.” It means doing things that bring you joy and soothe your soul. For me, this may mean making a healthy meal, taking a luscious bath, going on a long walk, talking with a friend or writing poetry. I am not suggesting that I always choose to go for a run or paint instead of sitting on the couch watching tv. But, I do understand that taking care of myself is a state of mind and it comes from a place of self-respect. I now recognize that I am precious and something worth being gentle with. I have a strong feeling that you are too.

it rained solid

The other day, my friend and I did a poetry exercise where we both started with the same first line and wrote from there. My poem came out in the form of prose and I thought I'd share it with you today.

It rained solid that afternoon when the earth felt right. brown earth. ready for new water. to soak. to feel. to pray. to dance. to let the fire flow. to witness the growth of beauty. the solid rain creating paths lined with roots delving deep into the soul of things. the flesh of mud. aching to reach the core of it all. the orange ball of life stretching and moving to find the secret places hiding even from themselves. the rain hides. pounds and hides. we never notice the hiding. where do you go, dear friend? when your drops fall away? to a magical place of gentleness and joy. to a magical place of gentleness and joy.

intuition

I am the type of person who has a strong sense of intuition. This applies not only to interactions and daily situations, but to larger issues as well. For most of the big decisions in my life, I have felt large shifts inside when my intuition guides me to action. There have been times when I have followed my intuition and moments when I have disregarded it completely. When I have followed it, everything has seemed to fall into place and I have felt grounded and settled. When I have taken opposite action, negative outcomes have usually ensued.

Lately, though, I have been doing some soul searching. I have big questions that need answering. During this time, I cannot tell whether my intuition has no opinion, or whether I am not listening carefully enough. Is it possible that my intuition is just taking a back seat on this one? Just relaxing and letting things settle out on their own? More likely (my intuition just stirred-there must be something here) there are blocks preventing me from truly hearing my intuition’s voice right now.

How do I remove these obstacles? How do I take action to create the space needed to hear my old friend, intuition?

I just don't know right now. However, I think I will start with my first intuition- taking a deep breath…

bursting into joy

We often use the term “bursting into tears.” It is an experience most people can relate to. The other afternoon, I had an experience that I can only describe as “bursting into joy.” It was quite a moment, as you can imagine. I was changing the channel on my car radio and a live version of one of my favorite songs came on that I had never heard before. My body rushed with elation and I was smiling from ear to ear.

What a wonderful sensation. Have you ever burst into joy? If so, what gave you such a feeling? If not, can you imagine it? What does it smell like? Does it have a sound? Does it linger in your mouth?

Even if we don’t feel the power of these emotions on a daily basis, sometimes just knowing that they are below the surface is enough… and at any moment, we may just burst!

loud laughter

Art courtesy of a dear friend



Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore laughing. Not just small, token laughs. Not just little teehees. I LOVE to laugh...loudly. I believe in laughing with your whole body, letting the laughter in as well as out.

Some people may think that really letting go is not their style or that the setting must be appropriate for them to throw their head back and let out a good chuckle. Loud laughter doesn't just come naturally, as most people want to believe.

Loud laughter is like an emotion- you have to "let" yourself feel it. There is a single point in laughter when you realize that you can release- and if you do- you may lose control or draw attention to yourself or... really FEEL. It is a choice. And only you can make it. I choose to make it over and over. I do feel vulnerable, but the delight is worth it. Before I know it, I hear my own voice echoing throughout the room and see others laughing beside me. It is a moment of pure joy.

I encourage you to go beyond laughter and laugh loudly. I promise- joy is waiting.

learning the grey

Change is most often a complicated process that spans an underestimated length of time. The reality is, change is messy. It is big mixture of goods, bads and mediocres. We cannot have change without feeling some sort of loss, even in the most positive of cases. We do change without noticing, but a significant piece of change lies in our self-awareness. This is the piece where we must learn the grey.

Lately, I have been making some big changes in my life. I have been getting to know the grey like a friend. When I look closely, I can see its multitude of colors, the purples, reds, blacks, browns, yellows, etc... The muddiness separates to reveal the possibilities this transition can bring and the places that I have been. It is a smattering of colors in every range.

How does one spend time learning the grey and sitting with it? Most of us shove it aside as quickly as it comes. We want things to go back to “normal” or get to the place we want something to “be.” It is the uncomfortable space in between that proves to be the richest. It is neither black nor white. It is all of the colors mixed together. It is the rawness of it all. It is the place where you get to learn who it is you want to be.

As you encounter change, may you embrace the grey and discover its many colors and textures. You may just find your own true self.

submission

Every time I send a poem away for consideration in a publication, I enter into a vulnerable space- a place of submission. I submit my poetry, my words and my creations. But more than that, I submit a piece of myself to be judged by others.

Amongst the rejections, four publications have accepted my poetry! Two of them are currently on the web (I will let you know when the others are published). The publications are All Things Girl and The Hiss Quarterly. Click here and here to view the poems.

Lately, I have been noticing the anxiety created by waiting to hear back from the many publications that have my poetry. This space reminds me of moments within relationships when we share pieces of ourselves, in other words, submit, in order to reap the benefits of being seen and of knowing another person intimately. Submitting to this process has created loss in my life, but much brilliance as well.

By surrendering ourselves in this world, we choose to engage. We know that the place between submitting and being rejected or accepted can be uncomfortable. And yet, we continue to risk being vulnerable with the hopes of connecting. As we open ourselves to possibility in this world, let us remember the beauty that lies in submission.

in my hands

I have been thinking about the purpose of hands. People don't usually think about them, or at least I don't. But, in pondering my hands, I began to appreciate them very deeply. I did a piece of art about my hands and their meaning. The following is a list of some of the actions that my hands do:

reaching, loving, touching, art-ing, collage-ing, writing, talking, waiting, living, breathing, wishing, washing, helping, grabbing, holding, sensing, grasping, clawing, telling, screaming, tickling, drawing, caressing, letting go, trading, growing, laughing, crying, squeezing, coloring, brushing, pouring, cooking, drying, being in silence, tasting, covering, praying, cupping, alternating, using, believing, hoping, sharing, giving, raging, feeling, calming, enjoying, relishing, curling, dying.

As I did this exercise, I was struck by my own words. Most of the uses seemed familiar- writing, sensing, growing. Others surprised me- raging, clawing, screaming. The piece taught me that just like my hands, I am a complex person with many facets, even those I don't normally recognize.

Take a moment to think about your own hands. How do they serve you each day? How are they an expression of you? Enjoy this process… and remember, it is in your hands.

a part of all that

Have you ever had one of those days where you opted to take the long way home? Today was one of those days for me. Choosing the alternate route allowed me to walk with the sunset.

Dar Williams sings a beautiful line in her song "After All"

The sun rose with so many colors it nearly broke my heart
It worked me over like a work of art
And I was a part of all that

It is an interesting idea to feel a part of something. The "something" piece can vary i.e. a relationship, a community, the universe. I love the notion of being a part of something so much larger than myself that I can almost observe it from a distance. No matter how small I feel sometimes, I am still an important part of the whole.

Maybe my spirit is a part of the sunset I saw today.

And it is a part of me...

here it is...

May I officially introduce, my button frame! It took a long while to get all of the supplies and complete the project, but I did it. I smile every time I look at those lovely buttons. The second step was to figure out what to put in the frame. I found a fabulous quote in Journal of Solitude by May Sarton. I read the book a couple of years ago and had underlined a passage that spoke to me:

It is only when we can believe that we are creating the soul that life has any meaning, but when we can believe it- and I do and always have- then there is nothing we do that is without meaning and nothing that we suffer that does not hold the seed of creation in it.

As it turns out, many people are drawn to this quote. Strangely, this is not the first time that this has happened to me. When I read On The Road by Jack Kerouac, I found a quote that I adored and later came to find out that it is one of Kerouac's most famous lines:

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace things, but burn like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes "AWWW!"

How do some people have the ability to identify a universal feeling or thought? Where do those words come from? I often think about the various ways we can combine words and the beauty of expression. What are your words? How do you express them?

Let us all be open to the words of others- and ourselves. We may just find some gems...

what sends you?

I saw The Holiday this weekend. It brought many smiles to my face. In the last scene, the cast dances to “You Send Me” sung by Aretha Franklin. I have been thinking about this idea of sending. Dictionary.com defines “to send” as “to delight or excite”. I can see where this comes from. If something delights or excites you, it sends you to a different place, a place of elation and bliss.

Here is a little poem that will hopefully send you.

A butterfly sat down next to me
To whisper contemplations and joys
Days made of honey light
Spilling into morning sighs

It shifted its wings
To show colors of the night
Patterned images reflecting stars

Longing for rides on rivers
Gliding alongside tall trees
Visited by chipmunks and ants

Flights sailing over days of blue
Discovering newly formed caterpillars
Awaiting worlds of change

intentions…

We tend to make big resolutions on New Years. The word resolution is an interesting one- I resolute to do something. It sounds strict and finite. I prefer the word intention. With intention, the idea and hope exists without a feeling of guilt or shame when the task is not perfectly accomplished.

I too am a culprit of making grandiose resolutions on January 1st. However, I do set intentions for myself every day. I set intentions at various points throughout the day- in the shower, as I leave my apartment, before I go to bed, etc… I surround myself with physical reminders of my intentions as well. I also change my intentions every day.

Today, my intention is to grow. I would like to grow in wild vivid ways. To know that I am rooted in the earth and my branches are strong and free.

water tapping

Here is my poem for Poetry Thursday:


Water Tapping

Water taps wanting to come in
To sit in the cozy warmth of my little cottage
Is it too much to dream of having a little cottage?
That my senses would be filled with licorice and light?
Oh, I wish I had a cottage surrounded by amber and wood
Rippling with secrets bound up in wordless moments
The cottage would be mine to play and whisper and shout
I would whee and whoop and hollar in my all-alone space
It would burst with time and notions and color
My cottage would rock me to sleep
Through brassy harmonies and smooth sighs
It would support my legs in the present
And retreat when necessary
I would not need a holiday from my lovely cottage
In no way need to vacate my magical space
Made of marshmallows and teardrops
The tea would brew and the coffee would steep
Among flowers and bright purples waiting
To embrace me like a fine rain

things I do

I thought I'd catch you all up to speed about the "things I do" section on the side of my blog. There are many bloggers out there who know what this is all about, but I know that there are many people who read my blog who aren't as familiar with the lingo. So, here are the things I do:

1. Poetry Thursday: Poetry Thursday is a website that gives a weekly prompt and people on blogs everywhere write poetry on the topic. See my poems here. Is today Thursday already? Wow- I better write a poem!

2. Kindblog: I am a member of a group of bloggers who follow an ethical and moral code that states: By posting this badge, I'm declaring that in addition to humour, intelligence, wit, sadness, snarkiness, passion, exuberance, peace, stillness, excitability, anger or any other emotion you may witness on my site: 1) I will never intentionally hurt other people, whether I know them or not, whether they blog or not, whether they're celebrities or not, either through my words or my images. It's just not my style; and 2) I hope that by the time you've clicked away from my site, I've helped in some way to make your day just a little bit better.

3. Blogger Chicks: I am a part of a group of women bloggers. There are tons of blogger chicks out there. Check out the list on the side of my blog. Isn't the logo cute?

5 things

5 thing I enjoyed this weekend:

1. Lovely lights lit up in little houses with lively laughter

2. People in a square fitting like a circle, gathered like presents around the tree.

3. Time and joy with my nurturing family

4. Mochas made with marshmallows mmm...

5. Orange scarves on heads with wild curls

I was thinking about the light this season. It seems practically impossible not to notice the lights around us. The darkness creates a backdrop for the lights that makes their shine incredible. Yet another reason the darkness can be beautiful. It frames light in a way we almost can't describe. We can only enjoy...

all tied up

I've been tied up for the last week or so. I guess those hard days got to me. But, I'm back and ready for my life as a blogger to continue.

The topic for today is buttons. I have been seeing lots of button projects on various blogs. I'm really excited about this idea of collecting them and creating crafty things with them (pictures to come!) The idea of buttons happens to fit in perfectly with the idea of being all tied up.

What happens when the thread that is holding our buttons starts to fray? How do we handle it when our thread is pulled too tight? What if our buttons don't match? Do we even want them to match?

Sometimes I want all of my buttons to be black or white and sometimes shades of blue and green seem to fit my mood. There are moments when big yellow buttons are exactly what I want to show and other days when I wish they were invisible all together. There are so many possibilities wtih colors, shapes and sizes.

I guess I like to just be aware of my buttons and know that I have the power to change them.

Okay, that's it for me. I'm all buttoned out :)